This past weekend I came to the understanding that the majority of people who present themselves as bitches, most likely have a damn good reason. I am a firm believer that if you want to succeed at anything you have to be consistent. So if you’re gonna be a bitch, you better be a bitch to the bone.
I think many would agree that women have been forced to be pleasant for the majority of their lives, and the second they decide to bite back they are labeled a bitch. If you have strong, contradictory opinions you’re “hard to work with.” If you set boundaries for yourself you’re “cold.” If you have the same attitude towards strangers that men do, you’re a “bitch.” I’ve been called many names in my lifetime, and the one that stings the least has got to be “bitch.” It took me a very long time to not care what my peers think of me, and at times I still worry that I’m unlikable and annoying. At the end of the day it’s none of my business what people think of me, unless they tell me directly (very few have had the gumption to do so). All that being said, I think that there comes a time in life when you have be to a bitch. You gotta stand up for yourself, and if that means coming across as nasty or hard to be with, so be it. I have had too many instances in my life where people feel as though they can take advantage of my kindness, and now I am at a point where I have zero patience left for that kind of behavior. I will admit that in the past I sacrificed my integrity to seem cooler, gain leverage, etc. and looking back at those times I am not only embarrassed of myself, but angry at my own behavior. I wish I wasn’t so afraid to stand up for myself back then, but I was scared I was gonna be labeled a bitch and people weren’t gonna like me anymore. When people treat my friends or family negatively, it enrages me and I want to put on my armor and go to war for them, so why couldn’t I do that for myself?
When you Google the phrase “being a bitch,” the first thing to come up is the following: “When applied to a woman or girl, it means someone who is belligerent, unreasonable, malicious, controlling, aggressive, or dominant. When applied to a man or boy, bitch reverses its meaning and is a derogatory term for being subordinate, weak, or cowardly.” So what do you call a man who is belligerent, unreasonable, malicious, controlling, aggressive, or dominant? His name? I think as a society we allow men to get away with poor behavior because we hear throughout our entire lives, “boys will be boys.” But girls will be girls too, and I think when girls are pushed to their limits, rather than labeling them crazy, psycho, or bitch we should take a minute to understand how they got to that breaking point. Let’s circle back to my opening statement, if you want to succeed at anything you have to be consistent. So if you’re gonna be a bitch, you better be a bitch to the bone.
I think bitch can be very complimentary. Have you ever heard someone say, “she is that bitch?” I look at it this way, if someone is coming across nasty, or abrasive they have every right to do so. Is it rude to be impolite or stand-offish towards new people and faces? Yea, maybe. However, rather than just attacking that person's character, we should take a moment to acknowledge why someone doesn’t present themselves in a bubbly, open manner. First off, they don’t have to. I understand there is such a thing as manners, but I think people would find themselves better off if they stopped expecting other people to all be patron saints. Life itself is a bitch, so I’d advise anyone to get on board with the notion that people will be too. As my dear friend Kate’s mother says, “let them.”
The main reason I consider myself a bitch at times is because other people do things purposefully to piss me off. When someone intentionally does things or acts in a certain way to provoke you, they are absolutely conscious of what’s going on. One of my biggest annoyances that causes me to act bitchy is when people play dumb, or act like I myself am an idiot. Like I said before, most bitches have a damn good reason to act that way (and most of the time they don’t owe you an explanation). I think for a very long time I was fearful of coming off as anything other than nice. Let me tell you something, nice is the absolute worst possible adjective for anyone to describe another person. In my opinion, if someone uses nice to describe someone they don’t know them well enough, or they have limited vocabulary. “Nice” is a harmful adjective, and let me tell you why. Everyone is nice, everyone has the capability to be nice, niceness is a formality. Time will tell me if you're kind, everyone is nice (to an extent) when you first meet them. If your best friend were to describe their partner to you as “nice” you would ask for more information, because it is not enough to decide whether they’re good enough for your friend. I’d rather someone said, “oh well she’s a bitch, but she has her reasons.” As I’ve gotten older I have grown to understand that most people are comfortable with the life they live, so maybe they don't have more fair-weather friends, acquaintances, or “nice” people swimming around in their business, and that is okay.
You have to be okay with the fact that not everyone is gonna like you, bitch or not. The people in your life who are gonna cause you to become nasty, quick-tempered, or bitchy, are the people closest to you. That may be a hard pill to swallow. Yes, strangers can hurt you and your feelings too, but most of the time it’s gonna be the people that know you the best and have for the longest. I don’t know why people get off on making others upset, or to feel inferior, but they do. And when they do, we have to be able to cope. So let them, let others behave poorly. Let them act out, be a bitch, embarrass themselves, and if your feelings and emotions are in the crossfire you have two options: get a fire extinguisher and take that bitch out, or let yourself get burned again, and again, and again. There is a clear difference between someone who is a bitch due to circumstance and someone who is a bitch to you on purpose. With that, those people may have a damn good reason too. Maybe they are insecure or maybe they just don’t like you. The adult thing to do, in my opinion, would be to ignore them and try to wean them out of your life (my advice for losing friends, lose 'em), but unfortunately that isn’t always possible. So just let them, everything will work itself out eventually.
Are you a bitch? Are you slowly approaching metamorphosis into a bitch due to people’s actions? Do you know a bitch? Do you like a bitch? Whether or not you’d consider yourself a bitch I just have one thing to say, be one. Be a bitch, be a bad one or be a good one, I don’t care. What I do care about is learning to live and let go. Unfortunately we cannot be in control of each and every person's behavior and every circumstance that occurs in this life. We have to be able to take what life throws at us and move on, and with that be consistent. So if you’re going to go throughout life with your guard up, and that comes across as bitchy, so what? No matter what people are going to have their opinions of you, positive or negative. It is up to you how you choose to let that affect you. My biggest fault in this life is my short temper and selfish attitude. Not everything is a personal attack on me, unless it is, and I am still learning to manage that. I lash out easily after being pushed to limits. I struggle with setting boundaries in fear of not being “nice” enough to people that hurt me. We all have our flaws, we all have things that make us tick, and if we don’t learn to cope one day we will explode. So let them, let them focus on them and you focus on you. In life there are typically two ways to handle any issue, take care of it or ignore it. If your washing machine broke you would either fix it or start using the sink. So fix what’s wrong or find a new way to approach the situation. Like most things however, it is easier said than done. But it is worth the try if you’re the friend that keeps getting burned. And let me just say, the person in your life causing you to become a bitch isn’t a bitch themselves, most likely they’re just a POS.
So here and now I would like to declare myself a bitch. A girl who is belligerent, unreasonable, malicious, controlling, aggressive, or dominant. I am okay with this description and I’d be okay if others used it for me too. I know myself more than anyone else in this world and I am okay with the fact that not everyone is gonna like me, I certainly don’t like everybody. But what I’m not okay with is allowing myself to get hurt time and time again because I am scared to stand up for myself. If I am a bitch due to circumstance that’s what I’ll be, at least there will be some consistency in my life. So the next time someone considers you a bitch, take it as a compliment! It means you don’t put up with other peoples’ nonsense. You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone, I’d rather be called a bitch than nice. Nice is boring, and I may be a lot of things but boring isn’t one of them. Let people do their thing and if it comes to affect you personally you have to be able to manage that crisis. Till next time, have a cocktail. Stay flirty, stay thirsty, and most of all, be bitchy.
See you soon,
Paige B.
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