Life is not a game, life is not a test, life may be a journey, but most of all life is a gift. I have spent the past week of my life struggling; trying to find a new job, trying to figure out how I am going to afford a new car, trying to understand what the f*ck my purpose is, etc. Unfortunately, I did not receive any clear cut answers to justify my confusion, but I did however come to terms with something that I think a lot of people struggle with: how to react to situations. I am going to make this as simple as possible for you to understand, because truthfully it is quite simple. In this life, in any given conflict or situation you have two options- do or don’t. Whether you are trying to do something as big as getting married or as small as picking out a pair of shoes, you realistically have two choices: you can either do the thing you're stressing over, or you can not do that thing. In life, we face a multitude of obligations from what to wear, to what to say, to how to react to a fight or text or tiff with our best friend, with these scenarios we also face an insane amount of stress and perhaps even anxiety about the possible outcomes that may occur. I think we spend too much time with “what ifs.” This Saturday I went to see Inside Out 2 for the second time and it really solidified the idea that there are only two ways to cope with any given situation. It's not easy to act without emotion, sometimes it even feels impossible. The truth is, it's not, it just takes time to afford yourself the ability to act on logic. Impulsive behavior can be fun at times, but it can also cause you a hell of of a lot more problems to solve. Sometimes we make things way harder for ourselves by imagining a million and one awful outcomes to one small issue we’re experiencing, and not that all that stress would be alleviated by doing the deed, but I think a good chunk of that stress would subside if we stopped stressing and did that thing. Today’s blog post is gonna be shorter than usual, your welcome, simply because this topic is fairly easy to understand and we shouldn’t need a handful of anecdotes to emphasize my point. So as per usual, have a cocktail or grab a snack and let’s get into the idea of “do it or don’t.”
I would consider myself a fairly level headed person, whether that’s because I’m a Taurus or because my parents raised me a certain way, I am unsure; but I always find myself in a situation where I am offering advice to my peers. I don’t believe myself to be an oracle but I do believe that I have reduced stress and anxiety due to my blunt nature and pessimistic attitude. There are very few things in life I find myself being optimistic about simply because of the things I have both seen and experienced. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but cliches are cliches for a reason. When you have an issue, from dating to work to family to friends, the choice is yours; you can either deal with it or hope it blows over. For me, up until very recently I have always chosen to let it sit. I am not one who enjoys conflict or fights because I don’t like to hurt other people, I hate making people feel upset or let down, so I’d rather bite my tongue and journal about my feelings. However, recently I have come to terms with the fact that doing so makes me bitter. Good communication is one of the most important skills one can possess, the ability to clearly articulate your feelings or beliefs. Poor communication, in my experience, is the root cause of nearly all my problems. If you are angry with someone, you can either tell them or suppress those feelings. If you have a crush on someone, you can either tell them or suppress those feelings. If you feel entitled to a raise, you can either tell your boss or suppress those feelings. If you are disappointed by someone, you can either tell them or suppress those feelings. Do you get my point? You have two options in life when it comes to personal issues regarding your feelings or emotions: do something about it or don’t. I find fantasizing about all the possible outcomes of a given situation to be useless. Is it fun to imagine all of the outlandish things that could transpire if you confronted a certain individual? Absolutely, I am quite creative. However it is also damaging.
You can either go through life wondering, what would have happened if I just said how I felt, about anything at any time, but that can cause lots of regrets. Or in the moment, you could just say it. I know it can be scary to speak your mind in fear of more conflict, but most of the time it really is the easier route. When I am mad at someone I typically don’t tell them, I just write about it in one of my many journals and hope to get over it by the next day… that rarely happens. What is every tv show or film conflict based on (for the most part)? Poor communication. We sit screaming at the tv saying, well why didn’t you just say that the first time? And the truth is, it’s because we are scared to speak freely. In retrospect, it is always easier to address an issue when it first occurs. If you leave a wound unattended it will get infected, and then if you let that infection sit for too long you can fall into sepsis, and then if you’re in sepsis for too long you can die. Rather than waiting for your own painful and treatable death, why not just fix the problem right away? Being able to dictate your feelings, emotions, or thoughts in a way that is clear is such a privilege, take advantage of that.
Most of the regrets I hold come from my lack of good communication skills, or my fear of doing something; wishing I had just done the thing I was stressing over and being done with it. It’s like when you’re freaking out about trying something new and then after saying “Oh, that wasn’t bad at all!” Most of the time, the fear you're facing isn’t that scary, and you'll come out stronger on the other side. I believe life is too short for what ifs. If you’re feeling some type of way about a situation, do something about it. Do it or don’t. Those are the only options you have for any given situation. Do it or don’t. Get up and go pee before bed or sleep restlessly all night. Fill up the Brita now so when you wake up you have water waiting, or don’t. Buy that pair of shoes you’ve had in your cart for months, or don’t. Tell your friend you have romantic feelings for them and have for a while, or watch them find someone else to call their significant other. Send that text confronting your friend, or let this small argument destroy your relationship. It really is that simple. We spend so much time wondering what could happen that we miss out on the window of opportunity to find out. I don’t wanna live a life in my head, running in circles like Anxiety from Inside Out 2 projecting all the possible outcomes of any given situation that I break into hysterics. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with planning ahead, but sometimes you just have to rip that band-aid off and risk pulling out some baby hairs. We are only given a limited amount of time on this Earth, another cliche because it’s true, so choose how you want to spend it. Do you want to go through life constantly questioning your own morality or do you wanna experience the highs and lows of life free of the shackles of your own mind? I won't lie, I too lay awake most nights festering over what could happen, or could’ve happened, if I did one thing differently in my life. But the truth is daydreams don’t create a new reality. It is up to you to take action. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Manifestations only work if you're actively doing something to allow them to come to fruition. So, yes this post was shorter than most but it was also simpler than most. You can either do the thing you have been dreaming about, or you can hate yourself later for not. On the flip side, sometimes not doing something is the better choice, like buying something on impulse and then hating it upon arrival. With all of these choices you have to make in life, the best way to handle them is by believing in yourself and having integrity in your own belief system. Life is not a game, life is not a test, life may be a journey, but most of all life is a gift. So appreciate the gift and don’t let it go to waste just because you’re scared of the possibilities it may bring. No act is too small and no dream is too big, do the things that scare you or allow yourself to wonder what could’ve happened if you followed your heart. The choice is yours, do or don’t; and most of the time the choice is easier than you're making it out to be. Till next time, stay flirty, stay thirsty, but most of all stay true to yourself. Ask yourself, is it better to speak or die? To be or not to be? Take a risk, do the thing, or don’t it’s up to you.
See you soon,
Paige B.
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