The past couple of days I have found myself fighting an envious urge, wishing for things I don’t yet have and being angered by those around me who do. I’m quite familiar with the green-eyed monster and have always considered these spiteful spats to be something negative, but recently I had a change of heart when I thought to myself: envy isn’t evil. Envy is a very natural feeling to possess, often people think of it as an evil emotion rooted in jealousy and self-deprecation; for me however, I recently decided that envy doesn’t have to be negative- because it’s not. Most of the time envy is evoked from deep admiration, it is what we choose to do with these emotions that can tow the line of evil. So today, we are talking about envy and how to use it as fuel for your future while overcoming the notion that it’s evil to feel.
In my personal life I tend to feel envious of those who have something I want, whether or not it’s something I need doesn’t seem to matter. There’s a hell-of-a-lot of things I don’t need, things I am fine without, but seeing others possess them for some reason makes me question why I’m not deserving. This is the harm, just because you don’t have something doesn’t mean you do not deserve it. Perhaps it's not your time yet, I know people hate the idea of waiting but I think waiting is important. Things happen when they’re meant to. Social media can make it hard to be happy in your situation, or even your body, but at what point do we stop using this as an excuse? Being envious of people you don’t know or never have met makes sense to a point, but I’d much rather focus on the envy we feel towards our friends, and peers in our tangible social circles (you can be envious towards celebrities and public figures all you want, but you don’t know these people or their situation). I’ll be honest, I’m envious of my friends in relationships because it makes me question why I’ve never been in one; especially now that my two best friends have boyfriends. It’s easy to envy them and their situations, but at the same time I don’t want a boyfriend so that envy is unfair- not evil, simply unjustified. I’m envious of those with a job in my desired field; those with their own car; those who can afford to fly comfort plus; my friends who wear a smaller size than me; my sister’s intelligence; people who don’t have to work a 9-5; those who live in my favorite city; and people whose boobs sit up perfectly on their own. I’m sure there’s more examples. These are just the ones coming to me at this moment. All of this to say that envy occurs when someone possesses something you think you lack. Once you shift your mindset from envying through a lens of hatred and jealousy, to a lens of motivation and admiration you’ll notice a positive change in both your conscience and overall self-worth.
Just because someone has more than you doesn't mean they are worth more than you, just because someone may have less than you doesn’t mean they are worth less than you. If you measure happiness and success by the tangibility of objects and money, what are you going to do if one day you lose it all? Rather than embodying envy in a way that makes you bitter or enraged, you should use that energy as motivation for yourself and your future. I am envious of those working in Hollywood, sitting on my couch complaining about it in this blog won’t employ me, actively putting myself out there and working on productions in my city will however. I am envious of those people who have their own car so I am working and saving to get my own, whining doesn’t just hand you wheels. The envy I feel towards others- and others’ possessions- comes from a place of desire. Desire to accomplish everything I have dreamed of, everything I have worked for, in order to achieve those things I have to shift the stagnancy of envy to something kinetic, and for me that’s motivation. Seeing other people get handed everything can be frustrating, but again you don’t know anyone’s entire situation. When it may appear that someone skates through life, they could be trying their hardest to stay afloat; some people are better actors than others. Envy is not an evil, desperate feeling that shows up in unhappy, unfulfilled people. Envy is a normal condition of life, especially when you are constantly comparing yourself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy as they say, and comparison leads to envy. If you choose to acknowledge the envy and jealousy you hold towards others and use it to act poorly, you have a problem. If you choose to acknowledge the envy and jealousy you hold towards others and use it to motivate yourself, I think that’s fabulous. Admiration doesn’t have to lead to infatuation or obsession. You are in charge of yourself, your feelings and emotions, and most importantly what you do with them. Instead of allowing the green-eyed-monster to steer you towards the pits of hell, take control of the wheel and steer yourself towards success. If you’re unhappy with your situation, fake it till you make it. You don’t have to put on a facade, you can simply just change your way of thinking because you are the only person in control of your future.
Currently I a sat watching Death Becomes Her and I think this film does a beautiful job depicting how envy of youth, beauty, and success can lead down a destructive path. But envy is not evil, what you choose to do with it can be. You could go back and forth with whatever causes you to be jealous, trying over and over again to destroy it. But just like Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn, it will keep coming back until you realize that it's yourself you're trying to destroy. Was Bruce Willis really even all that worth it? You have to be a very insecure, weak person to allow these kinds of feelings to destroy you internally. Stop comparing yourself to others and take a moment to appreciate what you have and what makes you special. Maybe I can’t fly comfortably, but one day I plan on flying privately. Allow yourself to dream and to hope for success in your future, but also acknowledge the success you have in this very moment. Don't let envy corrupt your heart; acting out of jealousy only breeds darkness and leads you away from the person you aspire to be. Strive for kindness, even in the face of your own desires. Till next time, stay flirty, stay thirsty, and most of all stop comparing your situation to others.
See you soon,
Paige B.
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