Everyone hates you, and they can’t wait to tear you apart the moment you leave the room—at least, that’s what you tell yourself. We sit around, dissecting every flaw, every insecurity, spilling your secrets just to kill time. Shit-talking is our favorite pastime, and your name? It’s the tastiest dish on the menu, best served cold with a side of cruel laughter as you remain blissfully unaware. Sounds like a nightmare, doesn’t it? But here’s the truth: it's utterly insane to believe that everyone hates you and is constantly talking about you. Thinking you're so important that everyone is fixated on your life isn’t just unrealistic, it’s downright narcissistic.
Do people talk about you when you’re not around? Probably. But that doesn’t mean they’re out to destroy you. And if someone’s saying something negative, maybe—just maybe—it’s because you did something to deserve it. Not every conversation about you is “shit talk.” So, let’s get real: if you’re reading this and feeling like a victim, it’s time to snap out of it. Today, we’re breaking down the difference between gossip, shit talk, and how it all plays a role in the way the world turns.
Shit talking someone vs talking about someone shittiness
According to Google, “Talking shit is a term and type of trash-talk that refers to various types of derogatory language aimed at an individual or any type of entity, such as a group or organization. Talking shit can be used as a tactic in fighting or brawling, used to draw attention to the matter among onlookers.” Shit Talk, in my professional opinion, is the act of speaking about someone poorly on purpose. Going out of your way to poke fun or belittle an individual. Sometimes it may be someone you know, and sometimes it may not. Either way I’d consider shit talk to be unnecessary low blows at someone to make yourself feel better about a situation… and I think it’s totally okay when done in a private, safe space. A lot of the time shit talking is a great way to expunge all that built up negativity you have towards someone. However, if you’re the kind of person to shit talk someone you know with strangers or to make yourself look cool- you’re simply a POS.
Talking about someone’s shittiness however, this is where things get wishy-washy. Let’s say your friend did something bad, if you wanna go tell your other friends what happened I wouldn’t consider that shit talking. The main difference lies within intent and truth. If talking about someone’s actions or behaviors makes them look shitty, simply by stating facts, then maybe they might just be shitty. I find gossip and these kinds of discussion to be helpful in many ways. By talking through situations with great detail, you’re able to heal and get over situations faster than if you’d let your genuine feelings build up. Sometimes you just need to rant or bitch about someone or something, and that’s okay- not everyone can afford therapy, and journaling only gets you so far. I think we’ve all seen enough tv and movies to understand that communication, or the lack thereof, is the main source of conflict in friendships. If thinking that everyone hates you is weighing down your conscience, maybe you should ask yourself did I do anything that would lead to people being unhappy with me?
I assume at this point in life everybody has seen Mean Girls, and if you haven’t that’s okay you may be a tad confused but you’ll catch up. In the lunchroom when Cady sits with The Plastics, the conversation they engage in would be considered gossip- informing Cady of the other cliques. When Janis tells Cady about Regina’s shitty behavior, that’s simply talking about someone's shittiness. When Regina reveals her Burn Book, that book would be considered a novel full of shit talk- but it was done in private and therefore tolerable. I say thai because the book was something between them and their friends, nobody was meant to see those nasty things and I’m sure we have all written mean things about others in a diary. Shit talk in this film occurs when Regina tells Cady about Janis being “addicted to crack,” because it wasn’t true and it was intended to make Cady think less of Janis. Are you all caught up?
As you grow older, you begin to understand that not everyone is going to like you—and that’s perfectly fine. Whether it's due to something you’ve done, or simply because of rumors and hearsay, you must recognize that you can’t control others' perceptions. During middle school, high school, and even college, you're placed in environments beyond your control. What you can control, however, is the company you keep and the communities you choose to belong to. Rather than fixating on those outside your circle, focus on bettering yourself. Not everyone is going to be your biggest fan, but not everyone is out to get you either. And here’s the crucial part: understanding this is not only normal, it’s essential for your peace of mind.
What others say about you is beyond your control and, frankly, none of your business. Obsessing over whispers and gossip will drive you mad. As frustrating as it may be, every time you’ve been disliked or gossiped about has served a purpose—it’s toughened you up. Learning to cope with negativity, misinformation, and poor communication is a skill you’ll need for life. Standing up for yourself is important, but it’s also vital to recognize when it's just not worth it. Some people say or do things purely to provoke, and while we could delve into their insecurities, the truth is, it doesn’t matter. You don’t need to psychoanalyze people to understand that some just aren’t worth your energy.
If you’re going to talk behind someone’s back, be prepared to say it to their face. Don’t be a coward. Anything I’ve ever said about someone—good or bad—I’m ready to repeat directly to them. Maturing means realizing that being disliked is universal, and finding balance is key. Ask yourself: is it because they don’t like who I am, or because they wish they were more like me? Often, people dislike you because of something you’ve done or said, and that’s a tough pill to swallow. But people can grow and change, just as your opinions of them can. If someone consistently chooses to be toxic, it’s okay to distance yourself—or to engage in some cautionary criticism.
Ultimately, who you surround yourself with will either bring you stress or peace. Why choose stress? Why stay in the company of those who make you feel small or hated? Gossip will continue whether you're there or not, so decide: do you want to stick around for the drama, or step away for your sanity? Stop playing the victim and take charge of your circle. If you continue to hang around and complain, you’re just as bad as the rest. Cady chose to stick around and fall deeper into the ways of The Plastics, making her just as bad as them if not worse. Janis was so worried about The Plastics that it nearly made her go insane, and Regina got hit by a bus trying to prove that Cady was also a bitch. The world kept spinning, gossip kept gossiping, and the cycle then continued cause there was a Mean Girls 2 that everyone forgets about. So get over it, talk it out, but be prepared to be faced with the consequences of both your actions and your words! If everyone hates you, maybe you deserve it. If you’re that paranoid about other people’s opinions, maybe you should take a look in the mirror. But the truth is people are too worried about themselves to be worried about you that much. Till next time stay flirty, stay thirsty, gossip or don’t, and get over yourself.
See you soon,
Paige B.
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