So you’re telling me you go to the same bar every Friday and you expect it to be different each time? That’s like opening the fridge, knowing all that you have is condiments and milk, and acting surprised that there’s nothing sustainable for a meal. Close that damn fridge! It’s time to try something new. When the fridge is dry, you go grocery shopping, so why don’t you go shop around for a change of scenery in your city? I get it, you’re over it: the people, the vibe, the monotony of going out is driving you insane. Change it up, just because it’s convenient doesn’t mean it’s the best choice (this goes for bars, boys, fast food restaurants, and so much more). Let me give you a personal example to better your understanding. Every Friday night my friends and I go to one of two places: a college dive bar with a $10 cover charge, or a college/ single-old-guy bar that operates as a restaurant during the day. Neither of these places, in my opinion, are the spot to find a potential partner. Then again, I’m not looking for one, and that is key. What is your motive for going out? If it's boys and booze I recommend a trendy spot downtown with martinis and legroom for mingling. If it’s fun and flirting you seek, I recommend a small spot where you’re required to squeeze between bodies for a well drink. I think the reason people feel so trapped in their home city is because they go to the wrong places for the wrong reasons. You wouldn’t go to a karaoke bar hoping for peace and quiet, so why go to a cocktail bar with mood lighting, hoping to find a man? News flash: he might be there but he’s probably with his girlfriend. When I go out with my girlfriends, I am there to have fun, let loose, get tipsy, and hang out. If a cute guy comes along, A. I’d be shocked, and B. it’s an added bonus. I don’t expect my girls’ nights to turn into a round of speed dating the same way I don't expect my cocktail and happy hour to turn into a party on frat row (how fun would that be though, seriously). So, what am I getting at here? If you want to change up the routine you're stuck in, or if you want to change the outcome of your girls' nights out you've got to change the location or the expectation. Personally, I’d start by dissociating the idea of a fun night out with the possibility of finding a man but that's just me. I love having a crush. I love seeing good looking people. I love going out to mingle and have a mixed drink, but I also love the spontaneity of meeting new people. Any time I've ever gone out and met an attractive person or met someone just generally cool, it was because I wasn't expecting it. When I was abroad in England, the best times I ever had were the times that were unplanned, unprepared and otherwise predicted to be underwhelming. If you're sick of the scenery, change the venue, go somewhere new, go at a different time, go with a new person. You don't need to drive outside your area code to experience something new and exciting. Maybe you just need a change in the routine and the expectation you bring to a Friday or Saturday night on the town. Listen, I know that some bars are the best at 9:00 p.m. on a Friday, or 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning, but sometimes you gotta sacrifice convenience for all of the other things. But the hot bartender only works there on Thursdays during happy hour! Hmmm… and how's that been going for us? My favorite thing about going out with my friends is hanging out with my friends. Anything else that happens is the cherry on top of a really good night. So, when I need a change of pace, I change the friends that I go out with. Trust me, it's nothing against them because if I had it my way, I'd have everyone I know rent out a table at my favorite bar, and we just sit and talk all night. But unfortunately I think that's something you can only get away with on birthdays… I think the main problem is equating going out with meeting your mate. Think of it this way: if you go to bars hoping to meet a man, and you go out every single weekend and come home unsuccessful, it might not be the boys, it might be your problem. I know that’s tough to hear but, do you talk to people when you go out, or are you crouched in a corner looking at your phone? Are you mingling with the masses, or are you sticking to your circle? Sometimes it's fun to just spark up a conversation and expect nothing to come from it. I think living in an age where our main form of communication comes from our thumbs, and not our mouths we need to work harder to forge connections within our community. They may be on campus at a cafe or over cocktails at a bar. So, next time you're out or planning a night out, here's some things you should consider so you don't spend the next morning complaining over coffee: where do you want to go, why do you want to go, who are you going with, and are you going with a group that likes to chat, or prefers to be sat. Moving forward, when you're feeling complacent and want to spice things up without taking a trip, close the fridge and open the pantry. Try something new, get out of your comfort zone. It may be as simple as going to a new place, or you may have to try a bit harder and talk to strangers face to face. So, as the weekend slowly approaches, think about how you want to spend that Saturday night, and remember nothing changes if nothing changes. And of course let me know how it goes!
Till next time, talk to you later, close the fridge.
See you soon,
Paige B
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