At the ripe age of 22, on a hot summer July day, I sit here jobless. Unemployment isn't something I'm enjoying, it's also not something I was entirely prepared for unfortunately. I constantly worry about my future and what it may look like. I've always been a dreamer and lately I’m worried that that’s all I’m ever gonna be: a dreamer. Some people are born to do great things, some people just have inexplicable luck, some people are born to dream about big things and that’s all it is: a dream. I won’t lie, it's very disheartening to lose a job around the same time my car broke down, but it’s all for a reason I guess. Oftentimes I question what all these lessons are for, if by some miracle everything is gonna work out and all this shit is so I have something to look back on. I don’t wanna play the world's smallest fiddle but I’m just so defeated, I feel like a loser. In any and all aspects of life I just feel like a sad, lost, loser. If you were to ask me if I was happy I’d say yeah, but if you were to ask me if I’m fulfilled I'd say absolutely not. I hate feeling stagnant, like I have no mobility or control over my life, but here we are right there stuck in the mud. So today, we are talking about how to cope with being a loser- spoiler alert you’re not!
I have always been the kind of person that spends more time in my head than I do experiencing reality, and that’s something I’m working on, but truthfully my imagination is just so rich I prefer it there. But as of late, I’ve had to be quite realistic with myself due to my current situation. I’ve applied to upwards of 100 jobs, cold emailed dozens of people within my community, and finally started auditioning and taping myself. I can’t say I’m not trying, but I can admit that this time has made me feel like a loser. A loser; a person who just can't win and happens to a bum or a bore; someone with no aspirations or set path. We are taught from a very young age that in order to be successful you have to work hard- the American Dream. You can do anything you want as long as you’re consistent and persistent, and if you have the means and opportunities to do so. However, reality has a bit more ebbs and flows, it can’t always be sunshine and rainbows and I’m trying to be patient. Everything happens for a reason, apparently, so there must be some reason I am experiencing all this garbage all at once. What are some other cliches people spit out when someone is down on their luck? Nothing changes if nothing changes, good things come to those who wait… I’ve been waiting, I promise. I think the first thing you need to do to cope with being or feeling like a loser is acknowledging that you’re not, as long as you're actively trying to change your life you can’t be a loser- a loser wouldn’t care. A loser is someone who spends more time complaining about their situation than doing something about it. So here we are, together facing these scummy feelings about being a loser. These are five things to ask yourself if you think you’re a loser:
Do you have goals, passions, dreams, or hobbies?
Do you believe in yourself?
Have you gotten through tough times before and come out on the other side?
Are you working to make a difference in your life in some capacity?
Are you having a brat summer?
If you answered yes to any of these questions it is quite literally impossible for you to be a loser. Do you still feel like one? Why? Here are five reasons I feel like a loser:
I’m unemployed (not by choice… like at all).
I don’t have a car (mine died… RIP).
I'm still living at home.
I’m listening to “Slut Era Interlude” by Role Model, crying.
I’m single, I haven’t kissed anyone all year and I don’t think I will.
"I'm a scumbag, I'm a setback, I'm a stain on the kitchen floor" is exactly how I feel (these lyrics come from "Scumbag" by Role Model). I feel like Hannah Horvath in the first episode of Girls when she asks her parents for money, and then she does opium and shows up at their hotel, crashed out. Or when Mia in La La Land cries outside her house to Sebastian about not being good enough. I have a horrible habit of making myself feel worse about things by reminding myself that I’m single too, just to rub salt in the wound. Anyone can lie to you, but not me, if you wanna know how to cope with being a loser you just gotta get over it. I could sit here and list every successful person who didn’t get their start till their 30s, or talk about time and how it’s a concept. There’s no need to feel like you’re falling behind in the rat race, simply because it’s not a race. Shitty times are bound to come and go, so when they’re in town visiting, welcome them. Just because you feel scummy, doesn't mean you're a scumbag. We have to learn how to be uncomfortable, or unemployed, and nothing makes me more uncomfortable than uncertainty. Cause to be frank with you, I have too much going for me to be a loser and I assume you do too or you wouldn’t be here. In the back of my mind there’s this voice that whispers things like, “life would be easier if you wanted a normal career.” But I don’t want that, and why should I sacrifice my dreams for comfort? American society breeds us to feel inadequate if we don’t possess tangible signs of success; money; a car; a job; a home. Success to me is being able to sit here and write whatever I choose for a blog I created in between job applications. Work of any kind fulfills me because it forces me to learn new things, and I love to learn and absorb. Some genius named Paige once wrote, “Life is not a game, life is not a test, life may be a journey, but most of all life is a gift. I have spent the past week of my life struggling; trying to find a new job, trying to figure out how I am going to afford a new car, trying to understand what the f*ck my purpose is, etc. Unfortunately, I did not receive any clear cut answers to justify my confusion, but I did however come to terms with something that I think a lot of people struggle with: how to react to situations. I am going to make this as simple as possible for you to understand, because truthfully it is quite simple. In this life, in any given conflict or situation you have two options- do or don’t.” This testament still stands, a loser wouldn't write something like that.
At the ripe age of 22 I thought I would be in a very different place than I am now, but I’m not. My happily ever after will come, but as Role Model says, “don’t you compromise.” Do not allow yourself to skate through life thinking you deserve good things because you work hard, it’s a much better feeling to earn and gain opportunities than it is to be given handouts. The best advice anyone ever gave me was to not think I am better than anyone or any job, cause I’m not. Something, somehow, someday will come along when it’s meant to and I know waiting sucks, waiting makes me feel like a loser, but great things take time. Rome wasn’t built in a day. If you are experiencing stagnancy, or loser-like-tendencies, relax. I’m right there with you, you’re not alone and you’re not a loser. Wherever your shitty situation came from, know that even though it’s gonna suck in the moment, afterward you’ll have learned something new about yourself- and how lucky you are! Here are five things you can do in your free time to feel better about your shitty situation:
Read a book (memoir’s are great to feel motivated or understood).
Listen to ‘Kansas Anymore’ by Role Model.
Do that thing you’ve always wanted to do but never had time for (you have time now).
Go for a walk, do some yoga, move your body, dance around.
Know that hard work does pay off, it may just take a little more time for you than others.
There is no race to individual success, so stop running. Not yet being successful does not make you a loser. Allow yourself a break, especially when life keeps taking swings at you. You’re not a loser because you don’t fit in whatever made up timeline society created, keep working towards your goals and good things will come. If you feel like a loser for being 22 and alone, watch a movie- watch literally any coming of age movie out there. That’s really the only advice I have because if I think about it will be too much, like a cherry on top of a shit filled sundae. My biggest fear is being one of those people who gives up on dreams. I don’t wanna be someone who only has "what ifs" in my eulogy. What if I never make it? What if I never accomplish what I’ve wanted my whole life? The only way to find out is to keep trying, and if it doesn’t happen maybe it’s not right (it better be right I swear to god). Rejection is oftentimes just redirection. Reading old blog posts from this year I can see how much I’ve grown, just because I’m having a bad time doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. Life is chock full of peaks and valleys, I just gotta hike my way back outta this pit. If you’re reading this thinking, girl I’m doing great what are you talking about? I’m happy for you. If you’re reading this thinking, thank god I’m not alone, I’m proud of you. If you wanna know how to cope with being a loser, just know that you’re not. Things are often more simple than our imaginations want them to be. One of the few things we deserve in life is happiness, and that can be found a million and one ways. Limiting your happiness to financial success, or any success for that matter, will make for a very sad, disappointing life, don’t compromise on your dreams and values and don’t be a sellout- sellouts are losers. Who knows, maybe by next Martini Monday my life will have done a complete180. But you don’t know if you don’t try! Till next time stay thirsty, stay flirty, and stay away from losers cause you’re not one! Losers don’t read Dry Gin Martini.
See you soon,
Paige B.
P.s. Thank you Role Model for making my week better with your new album. I know you won’t see this but I haven’t liked something this much since ‘Preacher’s Daughters’ by Ethel Cain.
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