In the modern age, I have noticed quite a bit of confusion around the art of dating. And, as a certified singleton, I’d like to share my thoughts and opinions. Now, before we get started, let me provide a disclaimer for those who may find themselves asking, wtf do you know?:
I have been single for 22 years, I have been on two “dates” and I am not looking for any sort of relationship so I have little to no biases about the world of dating. Please, get yourself a cold cocktail and let’s begin!
This week I did something a little bit different to prepare my thoughts… I conducted some research. I re-downloaded Hinge (because I am banned on Tinder and despise Bumble) to take to the “streets” and get all the dirt on the world of dating. At first I thought maybe the problem was Hinge itself, and then I took the time to read up on how they run things. Hinge is “the dating app designed to be deleted”, that is quite literally their tagline, which is absolute genius marketing if you ask me. So I went right to the horse’s mouth, Hinge.co. to read How We Do Things as written by Justin McLeod, the founder and CEO of the app. While I was there I found some interesting information. Hinge was founded originally in 2011 as a Facebook Canvas App, working to connect Facebook contacts to people who share mutual friends. Then in 2015, Hinge took a pause and essentially rebranded and rebuilt itself to be the dating app we know today. From what I read, Hinge prioritizes quality over quantity so I had to ask myself, is Hinge the problem or is it the men themselves? Why are all these people (allegedly) single? What’s in the air and what happened to casual dating?
I have dabbled in Hinge before, usually downloading after a few drinks to browse, then deleting it the following morning. I’ve used Hinge while abroad, at home, and no matter the location something about these boys just doesn’t do it for me. This is typically due to the lack of individuality seen by men ages 21-29. I'm all for banter, sarcasm, and quick wit, but sometimes it can be repetitive and exhausting. These guys need some direction, perhaps, on how to build a profile that doesn’t make them look like a serial killer, pervert, playboy, or all of the above. I am sick of bone dry conversation and taking more than a day to reply. I'm sick of swiping on people who may or may not be a threat to my livelihood. I need something tangible, I need something more than a Hinge match. So this past Tuesday I decided to ask real boys, in real life, why they’re single. Their responses did not disappoint.
This past Tuesday I attended Ladies Night at a bar downtown with my two best gals and we brought my little black book. A teeny tiny moleskine notebook that can fit in your pocket or purse, and I thought… I wanna mingle but how do I approach randos without coming off like a creep? (I did anyway but it’s the thought that counts). So I simply asked roughly 40 strangers, “Why are you single?” and here are my top 10 favorite responses:
“I am a douchebag”
“I am an alcoholic”
“Traumatic ex girlfriend”
“I haven’t found the right person yet”
“I don’t know why don’t you ask my ex girlfriend why she left me”
“I’m an animal”
“I hate everyone, everyone is ugly, and everyone cheats”
“I’m self conscious”
“I’m not ready for a relationship”
“I don’t think anyone would like me”
I wanna highlight the last two of these responses, because I think a lot of people can relate. Being in your 20s there is a silent pressure to date and engage in romantic relationships, but some of us just aren’t ready. I don’t have the time to worry about another person’s feelings, I don’t need any more fair-weather-friends, I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of commitment. On the other hand, I don’t even think anyone would like me. This is something I gathered from a plethora of responses, a lot of people worried that nobody is interested in them. Because how would you know? In this day and age, unless someone said verbatim “I like you,” you wouldn’t know because people have such poor communication skills in addition to insecurities. This goes back to our previous discussion of my distaste for Hinge. People suck at communicating things. How are you upwards of 25 and it takes you 2 plus days to reply, and when you do it’s one word. Or worse, they message you something ridiculously sexual and uncomfortable. What happened to hello? What happened to asking someone out to dinner, or a cocktail? I truthfully believe the real reason so many people are single in their 20s is because of the confusion around dating terminology. Here’s a quick breakdown:
The Talking Stage: Made up bullshit. This is literally just the time period between your meet cute/conversation, to your first date/ hangout.
Dating: When you and someone are seeing each other romantically, a trial period to see if you could be in a relationship.
Being in a Relationship: When you have a partner. You are taken. Off the market, unavailable.
A Situationship: Made up bullshit. You are just bad at communicating your feelings and boundaries in a relationship.
I think social media has made the art of casual dating die out. People can no longer date for fun because people lack the communication skills that are necessary. I don’t want a relationship, I just want to maybe have cocktails with a handsome gentleman on a weekday like Carrie Bradshaw (hoping I wouldn’t be as annoying as she is though). I just wish that people could flirt and have fun without making it weird. Maybe that’s why I’m single, I hate weirdos. Why are you making me uncomfortable? Why can’t you say what you mean? Why can’t you ask me out instead of asking for my Snapchat that I don’t use? Dating apps were made for people who they wouldn’t usually meet online. So, why are dating apps basically a hub for finding a penpal? Maybe my problem is a lack of patience. Maybe I shouldn’t blame Hinge for the general public's inability to understand dating, just watch more movies, it's not that hard. If you were to ask me why I’m single, I could give you a really profound answer about how I’m focusing on my career and on myself, but the truth is I’m just too scared. I love meeting new people, I love gabbing, flirting, all that jazz, I just don’t think I’m gonna find someone I like enough to give all that time to. That may be lame, but at least I’m honest! If more people were honest about their intentions and fears and desires, maybe we’d all be in a better place. Maybe Hinge could be a better place. But unfortunately, people still cheat.
With that, get yourself a little black book and a pen and start asking strangers why they’re single. See if there’s any recurring responses. Till next time get flirty and stay thirsty my friends.
See you soon,
Paige B.
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